I’m gonna disagree with the idea that we can control our reactions. All my life I heard from my dad “you are in control of you”. I had all kinds of teaching and coaching and you can control your emotions, You can control how you respond to situations, etc.. I don’t think it’s true. I think we can control to some extent what we do with that reaction. What we do when we experience, different kinds of energy and different feelings. That takes skill. Control is probably the word that I object to most, having felt like there was something wrong with me because I couldn’t control my reactions and my feelings.
Karen, I know both sides of this argument from personal experience. And I think the reality is that we cannot control our emotions/feelings, only our reactions which I define as actions, not feelings. Our feelings are a byproduct of our life and the experiences we have had. I am likely in contention for being one of the most emotional people on the planet. But what I have learned to control is my response to my emotion, if that makes sense. But that doesn't mean I don't show my emotion or try to eliminate it. I allow my emotion to surface, actually welcome it, celebrate it, because it's in that allowance that I can find my strength to ultimately work on my final reaction. It might not surface immediately, and I'm okay with that. I may fall to pieces before I rise up, and I'm okay with that. I wouldn't change a thing about my emotional self, it's she who sits at the computer to do my best writing, and I would say the same about you and your writing/photography. 💚
This is such an interesting comment! I agree with you. A chemical reaction producing an emotion or several, is out of our control. The emotions come through the body. It takes a lot of skill to hide the internal dominoes as they fall. I agree, too, that we are taught to hide reactions, and most of the time it's smart and necessary to do so, especially around our bosses. Thanks for making me think, Karen.
Thanks so much, Ilona, for your comments. I just answered Karen with my thoughts, and I love that you are adding to the discussion, I wish this was a thread. It is such an important topic. I remember as a young woman crying when I had to address a stressful topic with my boss, feeling so weak. Luckily, I had the benefit of therapy at the age of 23 with the most amazing psychologist who celebrated emotion and taught me to stop apologizing. And thank goodness for me, because there was no way I was ever going to lose this emotional side of myself. I've cultivated my reality over the years of being an extremely emotional person, and these days I don't even try to hide it. I announce it, welcome it, and make it known that whoever I'm with need not worry about tears welling up in my eyes. It's who I am. I would agree with you though, that I'm fortunate that I'm semi-retired and not in an industry that would likely take issue with my emotion. Those industries are in infant stages. One day when we are long gone, business as well as community will embrace our God-given ability to cry and emote the ridiculously depressing circumstances we are forced to endure as humans. God knew what he/she was doing when she/he equipped us with tears. 💚
I’m gonna disagree with the idea that we can control our reactions. All my life I heard from my dad “you are in control of you”. I had all kinds of teaching and coaching and you can control your emotions, You can control how you respond to situations, etc.. I don’t think it’s true. I think we can control to some extent what we do with that reaction. What we do when we experience, different kinds of energy and different feelings. That takes skill. Control is probably the word that I object to most, having felt like there was something wrong with me because I couldn’t control my reactions and my feelings.
Karen, I know both sides of this argument from personal experience. And I think the reality is that we cannot control our emotions/feelings, only our reactions which I define as actions, not feelings. Our feelings are a byproduct of our life and the experiences we have had. I am likely in contention for being one of the most emotional people on the planet. But what I have learned to control is my response to my emotion, if that makes sense. But that doesn't mean I don't show my emotion or try to eliminate it. I allow my emotion to surface, actually welcome it, celebrate it, because it's in that allowance that I can find my strength to ultimately work on my final reaction. It might not surface immediately, and I'm okay with that. I may fall to pieces before I rise up, and I'm okay with that. I wouldn't change a thing about my emotional self, it's she who sits at the computer to do my best writing, and I would say the same about you and your writing/photography. 💚
Love Ilona's response to you and I just responded to her as well. Wish this was a thread as there's such great subject matter here to explore. 💚
This is such an interesting comment! I agree with you. A chemical reaction producing an emotion or several, is out of our control. The emotions come through the body. It takes a lot of skill to hide the internal dominoes as they fall. I agree, too, that we are taught to hide reactions, and most of the time it's smart and necessary to do so, especially around our bosses. Thanks for making me think, Karen.
Thanks so much, Ilona, for your comments. I just answered Karen with my thoughts, and I love that you are adding to the discussion, I wish this was a thread. It is such an important topic. I remember as a young woman crying when I had to address a stressful topic with my boss, feeling so weak. Luckily, I had the benefit of therapy at the age of 23 with the most amazing psychologist who celebrated emotion and taught me to stop apologizing. And thank goodness for me, because there was no way I was ever going to lose this emotional side of myself. I've cultivated my reality over the years of being an extremely emotional person, and these days I don't even try to hide it. I announce it, welcome it, and make it known that whoever I'm with need not worry about tears welling up in my eyes. It's who I am. I would agree with you though, that I'm fortunate that I'm semi-retired and not in an industry that would likely take issue with my emotion. Those industries are in infant stages. One day when we are long gone, business as well as community will embrace our God-given ability to cry and emote the ridiculously depressing circumstances we are forced to endure as humans. God knew what he/she was doing when she/he equipped us with tears. 💚
I'm glad that you are at that stage, Sue. Old habits of suppression are hard to break, but I work on it.
I read this once and loved the saying. “We can’t change the direction of the wind but we can change the direction of our sails”.
Oh, I love that!!! Thank you, Lynn!!! 💚
I like this saying much better.
I do too!!! 💚
Sue- Command is definitely an underrated value we all have. Hope you’re well this week? Cheers, -Thalia
I am well this week, thank. you Thalia. I hope the same for you! 💚