Sending so much love to you Sue. I too am trying to be the mother I wanted for myself.
My mom was raised poorly and not only in the ways of cash flow; love did not flow over her as she deserved.
I have spent years trying to understand why she did not love me, finally realizing she could not love herself and therefore was doing her best to love me with her short supply.
She is still here. I have found peace in accepting her as she is.
As you quoted... we are all simply walking each other home. 💞
Sue, I know from your book Tales of a Wayward Yogini, that you did come to a comfortable meeting point with your mom, I only wish that could happen with my mom. I suspect she has some mental issues in the form of dementia, but it has been about seven years since I have seen her in person and two years since I spoke to her on the phone, the conversation being about mundane things. My stepfather says she hasn’t left the house in two years, as a side note, they live in a very remote canyon on 60 hilly acres, and 13 miles from town. I miss the mom I used to have; tough, artistic, cautious, and an excellent cook. Mother’s Day always leaves me with a sadness in my heart. I want the “old” mom back. I can’t really blame her though, but it still hurts. However, since Alzheimer's runs in the family-my maternal grandmother had it, this is most likely what is happening to my mom. To all of you that had that amazing mom, or have reconciled with her, you are very lucky.
I too had a complicated relationship with my mother. She could be loving one minute and raging the next. I learned at an early age to read her body language and mood. It’s not something a small child should have to do. We also reconciled later in life. As she laid dying I told her “Mom I forgive you and hope you can forgive me too”. A small tear fell from her eye even though she had been unresponsive for a few days. I raised my own children very differently. I was smart enough to go into therapy when my children were very little. I was determined to break the family cycle of dysfunction. In Mass yesterday the Priest reminded us that those who need your prayers most are the wounded souls.
Sending so much love to you Sue. I too am trying to be the mother I wanted for myself.
My mom was raised poorly and not only in the ways of cash flow; love did not flow over her as she deserved.
I have spent years trying to understand why she did not love me, finally realizing she could not love herself and therefore was doing her best to love me with her short supply.
She is still here. I have found peace in accepting her as she is.
As you quoted... we are all simply walking each other home. 💞
Sue, I know from your book Tales of a Wayward Yogini, that you did come to a comfortable meeting point with your mom, I only wish that could happen with my mom. I suspect she has some mental issues in the form of dementia, but it has been about seven years since I have seen her in person and two years since I spoke to her on the phone, the conversation being about mundane things. My stepfather says she hasn’t left the house in two years, as a side note, they live in a very remote canyon on 60 hilly acres, and 13 miles from town. I miss the mom I used to have; tough, artistic, cautious, and an excellent cook. Mother’s Day always leaves me with a sadness in my heart. I want the “old” mom back. I can’t really blame her though, but it still hurts. However, since Alzheimer's runs in the family-my maternal grandmother had it, this is most likely what is happening to my mom. To all of you that had that amazing mom, or have reconciled with her, you are very lucky.
I too had a complicated relationship with my mother. She could be loving one minute and raging the next. I learned at an early age to read her body language and mood. It’s not something a small child should have to do. We also reconciled later in life. As she laid dying I told her “Mom I forgive you and hope you can forgive me too”. A small tear fell from her eye even though she had been unresponsive for a few days. I raised my own children very differently. I was smart enough to go into therapy when my children were very little. I was determined to break the family cycle of dysfunction. In Mass yesterday the Priest reminded us that those who need your prayers most are the wounded souls.
Lovely Sue - thank you❤️
Sue ... thank you so much for being on this journey and sharing your heart. I'm honored to be included. joyce