Friends and family
one and the same
Hello all! This post is part 3 of a series of stories about our month of celebrating. If you missed the earlier posts, here are Wedding Day Dreams and the essay about Sammie's wedding. I anticipated that I could write the remainder of our celebrations in one final post, but that will only be possible if you have about 20 minutes to spare. You're welcome :).
I'll yet again break this story into two parts. This is still a little long, but there are fun photos and lovely music to share if you make it to the end. Let's get to it.
The bond that links your true family is not one of blood, but of respect and joy in each other's life. Rarely do members of one family grow up under the same roof.
Richard Bach— Illusions of a Reluctant Messiah
Growing up as an only child, it wasn't much of a stretch for me to adopt Richard's philosophy when I read Illusions in my early 20’s. His words opened a pathway of thinking that fit with my life.
Most everyone I would come to love I would need to adopt along the way.
I've been collecting family and friends since I was 4 when I met my first best friend, Joannie Schuddeboom. Our kindergarten teacher would often drag us apart at nap time because we laughed too hard to rest1. I am lucky enough to still call Joan one of my dearest friends.
Family (using Richard's definition) becomes more of a priority the older I become. The last month of celebrations brought that reality into sharp focus, how life-affirming these connections are in my life. In other words, they have and continue to make my life worth living.
We were fortunate to be able to host our loved ones in our Airbnbs for both weddings. Arriving a week before Amy's wedding allowed us time to gather and celebrate ahead of the wedding.
Early in the week, Amy's dad, Ron, and his lovely wife, Estela, joined Rick and me, along with Michael's parents, Joe and Roxana, for a taco dinner. I must thank Rick; while we all consorted and schmoozed, Rick chopped, sautéed, and refilled glasses, all the while being a part of the discussions. He gets it from his mom, Pat, the consummate host. She would have been proud of her son.
We enjoyed the evening immensely. Joe and Ron have similar mannerisms, which we all found hilarious and uncanny.
You don't have to like your in-laws or consuegros. In many instances, unfortunately, it's not a match. Often, we don't even like our blood family, if we are honest, which circles back to where I started this post.
The bond that links your true family is not one of blood, but of respect and joy in each other's life.
As the evening came to a close, I was thanking my lucky stars for this new family evolving with its hint of promise. I don’t think I was the only one.
On Wednesday afternoon, our dear friend Peter arrived. Peter and I met ten years ago while both working for Virgin America. We became instant friends, laughing hysterically, together and with the passengers, at the gates while boarding. Rick and I were heading into our wedding at that time.
I had already invited a few friends from work, and the invitations had long since been sent. As the wedding drew closer, so did Peter and I. About three weeks before the wedding, I came home and told Rick, "I need to invite Peter to our wedding." Rick, of course, said, "Okay, baby."
Peter attended the wedding, having never met Rick, and proceeded to have a blast with the rest of the Virgin gang.
Soon after, Rick, Peter, and I became a force. There's rarely a week that goes by that we don't share a three-way text about something humorous, awful news of the world, or, my favorite, just showing each other something new we've discovered, cooked, or read about. We hadn't been together for approximately four years, so it was a blessing to have a night together, just the three of us.
The following day, Jordan and Brooke and our life-long buddies Mike and Carole Dutto arrived. Rick and Mike were best friends in high school, along with two other buddies, (yet another) Mike and Clay, who remain our family. Carole and I were blessed to connect when Rick and I began dating. She became family instantly.
Side note: Mike Dutto was also my high school boyfriend for three years. Rick enjoyed joking at the wedding about the fact that the three significant romantic partners in my life were in attendance and enjoying each other at the wedding. He insisted on a photo.
Truth be known, I love that where once sorrow and anger developed, life softened enough to make room for understanding and forgiveness and a return to what made us family.
Thursday night, with Jordan and Brooke and Mike and Carole's arrival, we belly-laughed into the wee morning hours. (Did I mention that all of these people are beyond funny?)
Jordan and Brooke were dead-tired, having flown to the East Coast from Hawaii, but Jordan lingered on the steps, clearly enjoying the banter and laughs at the dining table long after the food had been consumed. Dear Brooke, offering so much of her artistic talent toward the wedding, made her way to slumber. She would be called on in the next few days to create the final touches to her artistry.
Sunday after the wedding, we hosted one last dinner, which included Amy and Michael, Ron and Estela, everyone staying at the house, and two additional honored guests… Chris and Jen.
For those of you who know me or have read my book Lessons of a Wayward Yogini, Chris is Julie's son. My kids grew up with Chris, who was like an uncle, and it had been years since they had been together. We all were beyond excited that Chris and Jen would be able to attend the wedding and stay for dinner the following day.
The dinner was nothing to brag about, although Carole did a great job doctoring the store-bought pizzas.
Being together was the priority; the imperfect, disconnected family I unknowingly spent so many years collecting was enjoying an evening to remember.
I will treasure the memory of this night always.
Chris is and has always been one in a million. It would take a whole post to explain. He makes a difference in the world, traveling a hundred miles an hour, always using humor while he crusades for goodness.
During the night, Amy pulled up an old photo of Chris holding Jordan shortly after he was born, with Ron overlooking Chris holding Jordan, and Amy sidled up next to Jordan with her thumb in her mouth.
Someone uttered the words, "Let's recreate."
Here is our recreation.
We flew out Monday morning, my heart aching as the plane lifted off the ground. I've lost track of how many tears I've shed looking out that tiny rectangular window, leaving behind someone or someplace I love. But it's the price of connection, and I'll pay it willingly as many times as I'm blessed to be able to.
I've been listening to Brandi Carlile's album, By The Way I Forgive You. A few of the songs resonate deeply with me. A few of the lyrics from "Party of One" speak so eloquently for me concerning all of these sweet souls I've written about in this post.
I loved you the first time I saw you
And you know I love you still
I could slam the door behind you, it ain't never gonna close
Because when you're home, you're already home
This is where we pause…
Until next week, thanks for being here. Your comments and support mean so much.
Back in 1960 in our kindergarten class we were required to take a nap every day lying on our individual towels in the middle of the classroom. I don’t think Joan and I ever got through nap time without being separated.
Oh my friend....how entirely apropos and timely. You learned early on about picking and gathering a family around you, as an only child you saw it as a necessity, and right you were. It makes me happy to read of your joy in this family you have created. It has taken decades for Dave and me to learn that lesson. Both of us came from large families, each of us with four siblings. However, as the years unwound it become apparent that sharing the same blood did not always make the best of friends. God knows we have tried. It has only been a few years since we began weeding the poisonous people from our life and building our real family. We are blessed to be able to call you and Rick family.
I just love your stories, you can always bring a tear to my eye whether it be happy tears or sad !!! This time it was both what an amazing time you had !!! I truly feel all of it …